The Cage
by Areku
Summary: Before the events of 'Clover', Suu contemplates on on the years she has spent alone, and what she really wants.


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The Cage  
By Areku  
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"You count one bird 'ichiwa'. You count one cat or one dog 'ippiki'. You count one rabbit 'ichiwa'. You count me as One Person (Hitori).  
  
"Alone (Hitori)... forever."  
  
--Suu  
Clover volume 3  
  
++++  
  
I will always be alone. Forever.  
  
That is what it means to be a four-leaf-clover.  
  
Oh, but don't worry. I got used to being alone a long time ago. That fact doesn't matter much anymore.  
  
When I first came here, I didn't know what to think, so I didn't think anything. I played with the auto dolls that were provided, and I didn't mind talking to myself. They were doing experiments on me and my powers back then too. That filled the time.  
  
Then the experiments stopped. Not all at once, but gradually. Now I don't see any living people.  
  
The wizards said that I have to be alone because if I grow to love anyone then that person would be have unlimited power. I guess they think I'd give anyone I love whatever they want.  
  
So they make me stay alone.  
  
Well...actualy, I promised them I'd stay alone.  
  
But don't think I'm bitter, I'm not. I don't mind being alone, really, I mean it.  
  
Like I said, I'm used to being alone. Even if I didn't like it, I don't think I'd do anything about it. You see the wizards are right. If I was with someone, I would give that person whatever he wants, especially if that would make me happy.  
  
Now please don't think that I'm sad. Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean I'm sad. Well fine, sometimes I'm sad, but most of the time...  
  
I  
  
feel  
  
nothing.  
  
What am I suppose to feel?  
  
Sometimes I wonder what happiness feels like. I don't remember when the last time I laughed was.  
  
I want to feel happiness just once. I wouldn't mind dying, or being alone forever after that, if I only I knew what it was to be happy.  
  
What would it be like to die? Would it feel like living? Or maybe, maybe I would be happy when I die, because it would mark the end of feeling nothing and this cold existence.  
  
Of course no one would be sad when I die. No one but the wizards know of my existence, so how could they be sad. So I guess in the world out there nothing will change when I die.  
  
Well that's not quite true. Some people know I'm alive, but the only reason they'd care is because of my powers.  
  
So they want me because of my powers, and the wizards keep me because of my powers. How ironic, I must be alone with my powers, because of my powers.  
  
I look out the glass panes between the bars that make up of the walls of the warehouse where I live. It shows nothing. Of course I can't see the outside world. All I see is a reflection of my lone image.  
  
These bars are what keep me alone. If they were removed I'd be free. Why can't I break them?  
  
Alright, so maybe I am a little tired of being alone, but just a little.  
  
I wish there was someone who could take me away from the warehouse, from the auto dolls, from being alone. I wish there was someone that I could care about. Maybe even that person would care for me. Not because I have magic, but because I am me.  
  
I wonder if then I would be happy.  
  
I want to be happy, no matter what.  
  
I will be happy. I'll make my one wish come true. But not today.  
  
Maybe not even tomorrow, or the day after that.  
  
Will I be stuck in this cage of isolation...  
  
Forever?  
  
So here I am, trapped still.  
  
Will someone open the doors someday? Then I'll be released from this cage, my wings will unfold and we could travel the sky. Then I'll be something other than a four-leaf-clover.  
  
+ + + +  
  
Nobody in the world can become used to loneliness.  
  
--Oruha  
Clover volume 3  
  
  
  
AN Since it seems no one else writes for Clover I thought I should take up the charge. Ummm, this piece is okay I guess... not one of my best. I feel like I've lifted too much from the comics.  
  
Oh yeah, comments go to Areku_kun@yahoo.com. So if you liked it, or even if you didn't like it, email me, plleeeeaaassseeeee.  
  
Disclaimer, CLAMP, Amie comics (I think), and Mix own the rights. Please don't sue me I've spent all my money buying comic books and cds. 


End file.
